I’m in a gentle frame of mind – not wanting to think too much and not wanting to do too much. It is a beautiful day with clear blue sky, warm sun, low temperature, low humidity. Perfect for getting lots of things done but I need to be still and quiet.
I am loosing weight which isn’t easy for me because exercise is very difficult. It doesn’t take much exertion to create pain in my muscles for a couple of days but I also need to exercise to help my central nervous system respond appropriately to pain signals and keep my muscles conditioned. In those first few years it felt like I was damned if I did and damned if I didn’t. I’ve learned to live with it, most of the time, and am continually looking for the “sweet spot of perfect exertion.” Is that a song title that would sell?
One of the characteristics of fibromyalgia is pain amplification – they have done some really interesting studies measuring how much pressure on the thumb nail it takes to create pain in “normal” people and people with FM. Pain is subjective but they made it objective by watching the pain centers of the brain flash on. It helped me to know that my brain really does get very active with just a small amount of stimulus – and when people without this CNS disorder are given thumb pressure to make their brains light up as much, they said ouch! I no longer feel like a wimp after reading this research report.
So, what does that have to do with my gentle day roses? Yesterday I got really discouraged; I’m-going-to-eat-worms-and-die-then-you-will-be-sorry discouraged. I beat myself up pretty badly because I couldn’t do my weight loss program the way it should be done. I didn’t lose 3 jean sizes in a month type of discouraged. I can’t do this discouraged.
I don’t stay in these moods long because they aren’t fun. I move pretty quickly into problem-solving mode so after I shed a few tears I thought about why it wasn’t working and how I could make it work. I worked out a new plan and today I met with my coach and she thinks I have a good plan – at least for this week. That’s all I need is a plan for this week – then I can evaluate and create a new plan for the next week if I need to.
I needed to post these roses as a gift to me. They are for my courage when I know what I am trying to do is going to make me hurt but I do it anyway because it is good for me. They are for my eagerness to see beyond my stuckness to find ways to make my life better and help me meet my goals. They are for my tenacity to stick with a decision even when I get tired and discouraged and question whether I can really do it. They are for my willingness to see the funny side of life that helps me connect with others and draw others into wanting to help me when I need them.
These are the perfect kind of roses to meet my gentle day needs. They hold the memory of the joy of photographing them at the garden center, I had the fun of processing them to learn how beautifully my 50mm lens does depth of field, and best of all I can share them with you if you are needing a gentle kind of day when some roses would sooth your spirit and reward your inner strength.
Please enjoy and consider them my blessing sent to you.