Still Facing Change

I must be going through another period of change brought about by growing older and the challenges that entails. I’ve been going back and rereading some of my early post, back in 2012, when I was a new blogger and using my posts to share my struggles in learning to live with fibromyalgia. Writing was an exercise in healing and […]

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Starting Over

I think I have to admit that I’m a lazy person. I haven’t always been like this – I worked really hard in my younger days. I accomplished a lot when I was working, building an academic program into a large, respected and accredited educational major. I, along with my wonderful husband, raised three children adults and I earned several […]

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Thoughts on Pictures, Blogging & Experience

I really enjoyed reading the blog of Matthew J. Flood titled On Pictures, Blogging, and Experience because I have been wrestling with whether photographing our experience is a barrier to experiencing it. I used to believe this was true although I have to admit to albums and boxes of photos taken while on vacations for the past 50 years in order to save the memories. Since I purchased my new camera I have been looking at these old photographs of trips and family events and realize that the vast majority lack significance. They are simply a recorded image without meaning, and 99% aren’t very good images. I save them because… I am new to blogging (a little over a month) and my experience of sharing some of my travel stories and reading other bloggers has changed my perspective, however. I am finding that thinking about how to capture an image, the essence of a place or an event or nature, forces me to think about what I am looking at; to appreciate it more deeply. It is forcing me to think about what I want to record and why, what I find beautiful or worthy, and what is important. Matthew states in his post that, “After seeing or eating or doing something new, writing about it (and this is true of journaling too) forces me to pause and consider; having an audience (however small—Hi Mom!) forces me to dig deeper […]

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Facing Change – Maintaining Integrity

My doctor introduced me to the term “new normal” and it intrigued me – probably because I was well on my journey to finding one. And it was a hard journey, as bumpy and wild as the five-day tour of Kyrgyzstan in a 4-wheel drive van driven by a guide who had fantasies of being a bronco rider – more about that in future posts. The journey to a new normal was full of doubt, fear, pain, sadness, and anger and it required a major change (not just a shift) in how I thought about myself and my life. It took courage and perseverance; sometimes I wanted to give up but I didn’t know how. Even though I became discouraged at times, I always had a strong drive to find a way of living that had integrity. But what does a new normal consist of? I wrote this in my journal in October 2004, ten months after being diagnosed. For many years I have found strength and direction in the following words by James Baldwin (1961, Nobody Knows my Name, p.100):  Any real change implies the breakup of the world as one has always known it, the loss of all that gave one an identity, the end of safety. And at such a moment, unable to see and not daring to imagine what the future will now bring forth, one clings to what one knew, or thought one knew; to what one […]

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Meaning in a Quilt

During the first year after being diagnosed with fibromyalgia, I was desperately trying to hold on to the life that I had lost. I spent hours sitting, looking out the window, trying to figure out how to make sense of what was happening to me and how to cope with my fear. I needed a diversion so I started piecing together a new quilt […]

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