Living life

Time of Reflection: Patience

/ Pat / 17 Comments

I’ve written before about my problem with patience. I’ve never been a patient person, with myself or others. And for some reason I didn’t have the patience to write something about this Fruit of the Spirit. Every time I started it turned out seeming quite trite. So I will tell you a story.

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God and I have engaged in a few struggles over my impatience. One in particular I remember frequently, probably whenever my patience is getting thin. It was a bad time at work – the Christian institution where I worked had done something that was oh-so-wrong to a colleague/friend and some people were being very self-righteous about the decision making. I had a very dear friend in the administration who was right in the middle of this painful situation and I felt for her; she was telling me to not get in the middle but I had to for personal and professional reason. This situation had left me feeling frustrated, angry, fearful, distraught, disgusted, helpless, and my faith was being tried.

Late one day I was leaving work as my administrator friend was walking towards me. She wanted to talk so we sat on the steps – but she didn’t want to talk about the incident that had me so disturbed. She was disturbed because she had a personal problem (painful one) and she was afraid she would have to quit her j0b, because of another asinine (my opinion) institutional policy. This was an institution I loved but boy were they stuck on stupid, and their stupidity was hurting so many people – all in the name of Godliness. They claimed to know God’s will, and God just didn’t condone some behaviors. They had prayed about it.

I drove home with tears streaming down my face. As I stepped into my kitchen my mind was exploding with all of my frustration and anger and feelings of helplessness. How could they do this to the people I loved? Why wouldn’t the people behind the decisions listen to reason? Where was God and what did s/he really want – why wasn’t God listening to me?

As I stepped into my quiet kitchen, my quiet home, with my brain screaming, I heard an even louder scream through my own,”Shut! up! Pat!” And then a very quiet and gentle voice, “And know that I am God.”

This seems to be what patience is about – to know that our creator is in control so we don’t have to blast our way through. Not everything about life is good and right and within our understanding. Our only task is to seek truth and do right, and trust that everything will work in time – God’s time. Patience, Pat.

The Currents of Life

/ Pat / 20 Comments

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There is a pond in the Asian Gardens at the Naples Botanical Gardens. This week there was something floating on the surface that allowed me to capture the very subtle and usually unnoticed movement of the water that came under the footbridge from the small water fall to the left. It was so subtle that I didn’t notice the movement, just the pattern created in the current and when the surface moved around the water plants.

As I look at this image, it makes me wonder about the gentle currents in my life, like the tapestry of my life or the neural connections in my brain. There are major events that make a splash, sometimes desired but sometimes not. They require a conscious effort to adjust to and the changes they create are evident. What about all the day-to-day events that are almost unnoticed but still create the pattern of my life. What about my weekly visits to the botanical gardens where I am slowly learning about my southern environment and improving my photography? Did the short visit by Alana, one of our neighbors, affect my life? I felt moved by seeing her for the first time this year. She had put her mother in a care facility because of Alzheimer. I felt Alana’s pain because her mother, a snowbird who lived next door to me in the winter, played Frank Sinatra loud enough so I could also enjoy him. I was very important to mother and now I feel her absence.

How much do we let all that data of life, all those subtle experiences, impact our life? I watch more television in Florida, and we watch more movies. Last night we watched the movie “Iris” again. Judy Dench plays Dame Iris who is a famous fiction writer, someone who loves words and education, who develops Alzeimer. I sobbed with this viewing. I sobbed for Iris as she looses that which is most dear to her. I sobbed harder for her husband who is watching his wife slip away and feels so helpless and angry. I sobbed because I don’t want that to happen to J and I.

I had a work colleague who is a sociologist and loves movies. A criteria he uses to judge films is whether they make a difference in his life. I hope J & I hold onto all that is good in our lives together, because we know that some day, somehow we will loose it. Iris reminded me of that. I’m a Judy Dench fan so we went to see Philomena last week. Good movie and good acting, but did it make a difference in my life? It was entertaining and raised some interesting questions about society and pregnancy and adoption. I think the impact on me was more subtle, maybe undetectable but present.

I have been wondering about those negative influences, life’s un-pleasantries, that we allow in. They must make a difference, impact us in the subtle ways that the movie Philomena impacted me. I know that I am able to “just say no” to some influences, but what about those mild irritants that I don’t acknowledge. Do I need to give more thought to where I want the currents of my life to take me and what I want the pattern of my life to look like? Do the minor irritants sometimes need to be endured for the greater good? I’m not ready to give examples of this but I will be pondering it. Maybe in another post.

Life in Paradise

/ Pat / 18 Comments

I don’t think my life can get any better. When so many of my relatives have died and most of my friends have serious health issues, I know that life is precarious, even tenuous. Seeing the morning light is a glorious experience. Feeling the freshness of a new day after a good night’s sleep fills me with excitement. Being able to capture it with my lens is pure joy.

Morning light silhouetting the palms of Florida.

Morning light silhouetting the palms of Florida.

I don’t need caffeine to start my day but I love the smell of freshly-hubby-brewed coffee and feeling the warmth of my favorite chipped mug in my hands. I have one of these mugs in Michigan and another in Florida and they are very dear to me. They began as favorite mugs and my husband chipped both of them – he felt so bad about it. The chips make them even more special because 1) he did it while cleaning up the kitchen and a chipped mug is a small price to pay for a clean kitchen, and 2) living with him is like, well… paradise. Those little chips are my reminder that I am able to share another day with a wonderful man who loves me with all his heart.

While I sip my coffee, I work the cross-word puzzle and Sudoku in the morning paper. The pain I experience in my muscles impacts my brain, producing a brain fog that makes remembering words difficult. I find joy in exercising my brain and believe doing these puzzles helps my thinking and my speeling spelling.

Finished!

Finished!

Every day should include exercise because I experience less pain when I engage in some moderate activity. If I don’t exercise, I have muscle pain. For the record, I believe that Paradise, the real Heaven, will not require exercise to stay healthy, lean, and pain-free. This morning I rode my bike to keep my replaced knees working good. Wait a minute – those knees are titanium and are the best working part of this aging body. The muscles around, above and below those knees need the bike ride.

I prefer walking because I can carry my camera with me. Funny, but when my camera is around my neck, my eyes see more. Yesterday I walked, and look what I saw when I peeked between the trees of our neighbors yard.

Does this look like paradise?

Does this look like paradise?

An elderly man walking his dog saw me taking this picture. After his dog loved on me and we shook hands (the dog and I), the gentleman told me that I really should see the rest of the garden. He said I should just knock on the door and the guys (Ken and Dennis) would be happy to show me around. My hubby stopped to talk to them a while ago so I think this will be on my agenda one of these days.

But back to walking. I don’t walk far in distance, about one half to one mile a day, but I’m gone a long time and return with lots of fun pics. Some of them I even keep and use.

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Buds and flower hanging in a tree.

Chairs on a dock.

Chairs on a dock.

A lone, big, beautiful hibiscus bloom.

A lone, big, beautiful hibiscus bloom.

A sagging dock.

A sagging dock that made me smile.

I took many more photographs but some have stimulated ideas for future posts and I’ve already shown you the mockingbird that serenaded me on this walk. A day without new photos is an incomplete day.

Most days include a lot of time processing photos and blogging. Posting photos with a brief story is a fun quick post for me – and I get quick feedback on my photography. It is rewarding when other bloggers tell me how good an image is or tell me they are seeing improvement in my photography.

Blogging fun.

Blogging fun.

Occasionally I write about life – more accurately, I write about me. It would be presumptuous for me to write about other people’s life because all I can see is the superficial part – the outside, visible part. Writing about my inner experiences with chronic pain, aging body, and changing relationships requires that I draw from my knowledge of human development and to be transparent. Using my knowledge and experience to write is fun, sharing who I am in this moment is scary. I know it is an irrational fear, but it is there every time I click that publish tab.

A favorite evening activity is going to the beach to walk a ways, watch the sunset, and of course take some more photos. This is Easter evening on Naples beach.

Gathering to talk and watch the sunset.

Gathering to talk and watch the sunset.

Spirited ball game - glowing youth.

Spirited ball game – glowing youth.

Peace at the end of the day.

Peace at the end of the day.

And I did have peace at the end of this Easter day. It started with a spiritually renewing religious service, breakfast at our favorite restaurant, and ended holding hands on the beach. Peace in Paradise.