Morning at the Beach

20150122-beach 001The Gulf of Mexico beach is just a 5 min. drive from my door but I haven’t gone this winter on one of those early morning photo excursions. I enjoy them so much so decided it was time to go on Thursday morning. I was motivated by my wonderful memories of joy and peace, remembering how all my senses are delighted when on the morning beach. I wanted to experience this again.

Thursday morning, however, something was wrong. I struggled to become engaged and didn’t feel my normal joy and peace. It wasn’t a problem with the beach as the water was a beautiful color, with the low tide exposing interesting patterns in the sand. The morning air was cool and the sun was gently warming my back. I walked to the water’s edge and was intrigued with a couple of starfish that had been dropped by the outgoing tide and were now being retrieved by the rising tide.

20150122-beach 016

I have been carefully choosing when to walk because of foot pain, so I did what I have done so many times in the past – I sat my fanny down on the sand and waited for the beach to come to me. Not much came to me except lots of walkers and a couple of gulls.

20150122-beach 004The problem was within me. I took some deep breaths to center myself and focused on the beach around me to catch the mood – but it didn’t happen. I felt a dullness of mind that interfered with my ability to engage and focus. My intention was to practice photographing the movement of water, and even though I took some shots, my heart wasn’t in it.

Today I am ready to admit that I am feeling this same dullness of mind in all that I do. It has taken me 10 times longer to write this blog than it normally takes me. I maintain my health through a very fine balance of self-care and medications. This time I think the balance of medications is off – and I need to cut back on a new medication for nerve pain I’m taking.

I am so thankful for my past doctor who taught me how to manage my self-care and for my current doctor who trusts me and is willing to work with me so I can make modifications as needed. I’ve looked at the weather predictions for the coming week and I think there will be some days that will be perfect for returning to the beach.

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19 Comments »

    • I bet – I felt bad because millions of people would love to change places with me but I wasn’t enjoying my time there. This irony wasn’t lost on me and made me feel even worse. Hang in there, January is almost over.

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  1. Exploring and coming to terms with feelings is often a process with me. You seem to have an understanding about what may be wrong. Good Drs to guide you is so important. Wishing you happiness in the coming week. (I do enjoy your beach photos!)

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    • Thanks, Naomi. I, too, am thankful that I have learned how to recognize what is wrong and why – but I don’t like the trade-off that needs to be made between being pain-free and physically active or having clarity of mind. What is disturbing is that so many people are in a similar situation. I am fortunate that I have the insurance and resources to have several alternatives whereas so many people don’t.

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  2. Some *hurdles just cannot be overcome on some days no matter all the good intentions and hope 😦 … Five minutes away … I’m sure you’ll grab the chance when you’re on the up Pat .. a new week begins 🙂

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    • You are so right. Thank for understanding – you brought a smile to my face on this first day of a new week. In this week I have new hope for new opportunities and new challenges and always new hurdles. Life is good!

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    • I didn’t take the newest nerve pain medication last night and today my brain is clear and I am once again engaged with the world. Darn those drugs that help so much with one problem but cause others. 🙂

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    • I didn’t take the medication and the next morning my mind was engaged and sharp. Right now I have to choose between pain and a dull mind – until I can get back north to my doctor to solve the problem. Thanks, love.

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