My life has changed, and I’m not sure when this took place – but I know it has. I’ve always been a planner, believing I could have some control over future events. I thought I could see a long ways, maybe not to infinity but as far down the road as I needed. I recognized that the further down the road I looked, the more out of focus it became but that was okay. I was looking and knew as I traveled down the road it would become more focused and I could make adjustments. I felt in control of my life.
But life has changed, now that I’m traversing my “autumn years”. I’m not as confident because I know things happen that I have no control over. They probably always did but years ago I had years ahead to fix things. I’m still planning, but I don’t feel like I can see as far down the road, with these aging eyes of mine. I feel tentative.
I became aware of this after we returned from our Northwest trip. We had decided to trade our travel trailer for a new one. The one we had served us very well for the past decade but we are now a decade older. We don’t want to work as hard setting up and taking down. We want a queen bed we can walk around and stays made when we hit the road. We bought a new one that I think is perfect so we can travel for another ten years. But the doubts creep in: will we both live that long, will we develop health issues that get in our way, will it still be too much work.
I’ve decided that I don’t need infinite time in order to enjoy the time we have left together. We are making decisions based on what we need now and with the hope that our well-thought-out decisions will make it possible for us to live a full life for at least ten more years. If something happens, I’ll do what I have always done – punt.
Ben, who posted the WordPress Weekly Photo Challenge this week, got me thinking about this road we call life and how our view of “infinite” changes as we age. If you want to see the photographs others have posted of “infinite” or to join us, visit Ben at: